Dear Mrs Robinson:

My husband and I have been together for 15 years now, and are very happy. However there is a sizable difference in our sex drive, which seems to be getting worse. He wants sex more than I do. I love sex, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t need or want to have it nearly as much as he does. I used to be able to work myself up to it as I want to keep him happy, but lately I find it hard to even want to try. Is this because we’ve been together so long?  Or is this a symptom of pre menopause ? I’m only 46 and not ready to throw in the sexual towel.  Is there anything I can do?

Desperate in Halifax

Dear Desperate:

Ah, the age old question. Is it bed death or is it me? There is no question that keeping your  sex life healthy in a long term relationship takes effort even in our 20’s and 30’s.  Beyond that, it takes a little more than effort.  What you’re experiencing is completely normal.  Clinically known as HSDD (hypoactive sexual desire disorder) more women are coming forward than ever before.  Prompted, at least in part, by the success of male potency drugs like Viagra.

If you love your man, and you want to find a way back to horizontal harmony, there are a few things you can try.

If you don’t already:   start working out. Run, bike, gym, yoga, anything to get you into and feeling good about you. It’s a simple concept, but we feel way more inclined to be naked when we feel good about our bodies.

Next, start thinking about natural options for balancing hormones that can kick start your libido. Can I suggest bringing Maca into your diet? Maca is a nutritional supplement and functional food made from a root vegetable and cultivated by indigenous people in the High Andes of Bolivia. Maca has been cultivated in the Andes for thousands of years and is extremely rich nutritionally containing 31 different minerals along with amino acids, antioxidants and alkaloids.

Not only does it help balance the hormonal system, but it has a significant effect on libido. I use a tablespoon of raw maca in my shake every morning, and notice a huge difference in my overall energy if I’m travelling and not using it.

You might also want to try Oatstraw.  When Oats are harvested before the grain matures, the green grass at it’s tops are called oat straw (Avena Sativa). Rich in calcium, B vitamins, as well as A, C and E , it is considered a nervine. It nourishes strong nerves, is a natural anti depressant and stress buster. Calcium-rich oat straw has been shown to heal osteoporosis, mend bones, improve cognitive performance–and enhance sexual performance. It is not hard to find in any herb or bulk health food store. You can make a tea of it, but better still, before going to bed boil water and pour about 3 cups over a quarter cup of loose oatstraw. Let it sit overnight (or at least 4 hours), strain and pour into a water bottle. I simply put it in a water bottle and drink it throughout the morning. The effect and benefits increase the more you drink.

Try this 3 or more times a week and I promise you’ll be chasing him up to the bedroom!

Have fun,

Mrs R